This is my heart as is......

Lord God your are my creator I am sitting in your room of prayer right now crying out to you to show me where you are right now.....I have a half an hour for my outreach fund to be covered a amount of 3600 dollars.....These have been my honest feelings and emotions in the last couple of weeks.......I feel I don't have a lot of supporters a total of 4 people have called me from Oregon to see how I am doing.....Many times I have felt a distant from you and alone in this world I am in.......My road has been really broken......Life growing up was far from easy.......Going from teenager to adulthood was incredibly difficult.....I have never felt more alone in my life when my Mom got the disease that took her life......I think that is why its so hard for me to trust your ways.....God you have given me restoration and begun a healing process of the suffering I have endured and my heart is so in love with you God.....I can't imagine a life with out you in it......Because of the things that I have endured its hard for me to believe that you are going to take care of my needs......I closed my eyes and you showed me where you were.....you were there at the hospitals.....you were there when she went into a coma....you were there in the months upon months where I sat and watched my mom struggle to speak and move her body....you were always there I may not of felt you because of my own suffering but you were you never left me....You are here now.......You will direct the right path I need to take....If you provide the funds for outreach that is your will if you don't you have something amazing in store for me and I am excited to be in this place of intimacy with you.....Outreach won't change the fact that your are my God.......

lastest buzz of life in YWAM

Hello..............Its been awhile since I have updated but God really loves me and I am now embracing the fact that Jesus thinks I am a beautiful creation......He loves me and adores me so much that I can truly embrace the Destiny He totally has planned out for me.....These last weeks have been really hard on my heart......There was a lot of pain in my life brought out into the open......especially the emptiness I feel with my mom and the pain that my dad has caused in my life.......I felt like I was in a bottomless pit with my Father I felt like the pain he caused me was always going to be in my heart till he left this world or no longer wanted me to be part of his world......But the Lord has taken hold of my heart and showed me the life and pain I have endured in the past has been put on the cross and that He wants me to break the bondage between me and my father......For the first time in my entire life I have seen my dad through the eyes of Jesus and that He loves and cares for my father deeply.....I now enjoy spending time with my dad.....I look forward to taking walks on the beach and talking to my dad about my life and about how God is in my life and what has happened........The emptiness that has been plaguing me with the death of my mom has been starting to be filled with God's love I still think I have a long way to go with this one but knowing that God has come in and shaken my heart for His glory brings me to a place where I am surrendering every part of my broken heart over...allowing God to move in the places that need to be moved..................
I also experienced how God provides........I needed a down payment of 2000 dollars last week and had no money.......less than 24 hours I had all of the 2000 dollars.............I am so thankful to the people that love me and God tugged on their hearts to give money to my outreach I still need 3800 dollars by Friday but I know whether God provides or not I still have Christ has my prize....Philippians 3:7 -15 this changed my life.......I am ready to lose my life just so I can find it.........